I am not sure if i can call myself a Love Guru but my take towards erotic love has gotten to some form of maturity much advanced than everyone does, at least those that of same age as mine. Not that i have been to several relationships but i think, it’s probably because i am the person whose people runnin to whenever they wanted to talk about it – imma good listener i think.
Well, i have heard so much about Love but what struck me the mosts are the unconventional. Those stories that either rare at some form or too risky to mum because it often leads to an argument. One example of the latter is whether ex lovers can be Friends.
Hmmmm. I dunno where to start with the argument. Haha. Aryt! First hand, lemme lay down the propositions:
- YES, it can be because why not?
- NO, how come?
I want to be fair enough that i want to at least be honest of which proposition i am in. Ofcourse, i definitely agree on the idea that ex lovers can be Friends because why not?
People on the opposite side might think how silly i am to accept the idea that ex lovers can be Friends. Or they might wonder if the Love that once shared between me and my ex lover was true or just a failed experiment.
There is no better way to explain this than to take you to my personal experience. Yes, this happened to me. Me and my ex lover are friends! Not just friends, closest friends! And guess what? Not just once, but all of them! Weird, right? But to end confusion, allow me to put emphasis that we are just FRIENDS.
So how did i resorted to the idea? My first relationship started sweet and yet only lasted for months. Just like any usual relationship, we started as friends and got really close to each other. When the relatioship ended, it was a pure heartbreak for me, and i got so confuse about moving on. I wanted to move on because it’s the only option i have but at the same time, i do not know how.
It was harder than i thought because every street, restaurant, food, place, name, event, movie, pillow, toothbrush, and you-name-it relate to my ex! Absolutely crazy! Haha. I even moved to a distant place and just forget about everything and it helped! Yes, temporarily! Surprisingly, i cannot get away with the memories and feeling of pain. True enough, pain demands to be felt! Every effin time!
I was so exhausted thinking how i can finally moved on. It was when i pondered and asked myself, why is it so hard to just forget about the person. Whyyyyy? 😰😭 I contemplated and got an answer of my own just like getting my very own reflection in the mirror. The answer is simply because there is so much to love about the person than to Forget or Hate.
I know this sounds interesting and confusing at the same time. But yes i still love my Ex. I wont be denying that because acceptance is the key! And don’t get me wrong, it is not the same love just as before. It is more of like i care for the person and that i do not carry hatred and bitterness.
Hatred and bitterness are the common ways people sought to move on from the past. People mostly do it to easily forget. But i find it a heavy burden to carry. And besides, i want to liberate myself and the only way to achieve it is Acceptance. Acknowledge and accept that the relationship has ended, it did not worked and that we made a choice.
The validation that comes with my decision to seal a friendship with my ex has rooted to a lot of new beginnings. Now, i am genuinely happy. I do not need to take a pivot every single time we are about to bump in the Mall or make an excuse whenever i am asked about the person.
There are various ways to move on – the likes of hating the person, avoiding the person, getting a date, moving to a distant place, get drunk, weep, read a book, get busy and you name it. But, obviously it did not served me well.
Instead, I took the road less traveled by.
Love cannot be set and defined by terms and rules. Atleast for me. Love is love. Just as how the character Charlie in the movie -the Perks of Being a Wallflower related, “We accept the love we think we deserve”.
Finally, i do acknowledge that it takes a lot to seal a friendship with your ex. Timing is relevant. I will leave it to you to decide. I hope love prevails and you will find your way back in to Love.
Note: i do not own copyrights of the picture. The picture is taken from the upcoming movie of Gerald and Arci entitled “Can We Still Be Friends”.